This picture was taken right before Hannah went in to get her gallbladder out on Sunday. She was smiling all the way. I think she thought she was in a parade! Who smiles on their way to surgery??
Monday, April 3, 2017
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Saturday, April 1
We are officially free! I can't even put into words how nice it is to be out. That hospital is the best place to be when you need it, but the time had come to move on. We will forever be indebted to all the wonderful people who gave so much of themselves to the cause of saving Hannah. As our friend Alan Hollister wrote last week on the blog comments, "angels saving angels." So true!
Hannah, true to form, had a hard time leaving so many people she had come to love. There were lots of tears the last couple of days. On Friday she had been to a couple of her therapies but then had a half hour break. She knew it was someone's birthday (one of the patients), so she had gone off to see him and take him a present. When her speech therapist came to get her she said, "She's gone again? Have they made her the floor social worker or what?" I told her no, but I thought she might the hospital's most dedicated visiting teacher.
When telling two of her favorite therapists good-bye, they started telling her funny stories about when they first started working with her. I had totally forgotten about the things they were saying. I realized that so much of the last two months is now a gigantic blur, and seem more like a dream. This last week Hannah has started to ask about what really happened. She had been listening to voice mails from that first week and begun to read her emails and snap chats from friends. It made her so sad to see how worried and sad everyone had been. Now she keeps apologizing. I told her apologizing was ridiculous, and that I was just sad for everything she had to go through.
We are spending the weekend in Salt Lake so our family can go to General Conference. Hannah went today and loved it. But tomorrow we will head for home and all those things we hold near and dear. We all are going home changed people. Hannah, of course, is going home with some limitations that she didn't have when we came. But she's also going home with a renewed appreciation for life, an incredible inner strength that has been forged by the refiner's fire, and a stronger relationship with her Heavenly Father. The spiritual experiences she had will forever define her. She has talked with me about sharing some of her experiences, but in the end felt they were to personal and to sacred to share, at least for now.
As for the rest of the family, we too are changed. As a family we have become closer than ever before. I have been so touched to see how my children have rallied around Hannah and been there not only for her, but for me, for their dad, and for each other. I do not have words to express how much I love them and their wonderful spouses and how grateful I am so see how they support and love one another. As a mom, that is really the best gift I could ever ask for.
As for me, I never thought I would survive something so hard. I have never had to rely so heavily upon my Father-in-Heaven. I have prayed and pleaded for faith as mine wavered over and over again. I have felt like Peter, who tried walking on the water and showing his faith, only to begin sinking when the waves became rough and unsure. It seems all the things I have always professed to believe were put to the test. But as I have prayed, I have felt God's love. And I have seen his miracles. A lot of people think that God gives us trials, like he is up there orchestrating a grand scheme to see if we will pass some kind of test. I don't think it works that way. I have thought about this a lot and I don't think He is giving them to us, but I think He helps us through them. He, above all else, is simply a kind and loving Father. I have felt His love for His children time and time again in that hospital. I know He does not leave His suffering children alone. And that for me is life-changing.
The other night Hannah and I talked about what she'd like to say on the blog. I told her to summarize what she had learned. She said three things.
1. God loves us.
2. Miracles still happen.
3. Heaven is real.
As I end this blog, I want Hannah to know what an inspiration she is to me. I want her to know she has been teaching me what's important all her life, and that I am so grateful Heavenly Father let me be her mom. I also want you all to know how grateful our family is for your overwhelming love, support, and most importantly your prayers. I really believe our story might be altogether a different one if it wasn't for your prayers and the sustaining strength you have given us. We are the most blessed people on the planet to have you in our lives. Thank you. We love you.
Hannah, true to form, had a hard time leaving so many people she had come to love. There were lots of tears the last couple of days. On Friday she had been to a couple of her therapies but then had a half hour break. She knew it was someone's birthday (one of the patients), so she had gone off to see him and take him a present. When her speech therapist came to get her she said, "She's gone again? Have they made her the floor social worker or what?" I told her no, but I thought she might the hospital's most dedicated visiting teacher.
When telling two of her favorite therapists good-bye, they started telling her funny stories about when they first started working with her. I had totally forgotten about the things they were saying. I realized that so much of the last two months is now a gigantic blur, and seem more like a dream. This last week Hannah has started to ask about what really happened. She had been listening to voice mails from that first week and begun to read her emails and snap chats from friends. It made her so sad to see how worried and sad everyone had been. Now she keeps apologizing. I told her apologizing was ridiculous, and that I was just sad for everything she had to go through.
We are spending the weekend in Salt Lake so our family can go to General Conference. Hannah went today and loved it. But tomorrow we will head for home and all those things we hold near and dear. We all are going home changed people. Hannah, of course, is going home with some limitations that she didn't have when we came. But she's also going home with a renewed appreciation for life, an incredible inner strength that has been forged by the refiner's fire, and a stronger relationship with her Heavenly Father. The spiritual experiences she had will forever define her. She has talked with me about sharing some of her experiences, but in the end felt they were to personal and to sacred to share, at least for now.
As for the rest of the family, we too are changed. As a family we have become closer than ever before. I have been so touched to see how my children have rallied around Hannah and been there not only for her, but for me, for their dad, and for each other. I do not have words to express how much I love them and their wonderful spouses and how grateful I am so see how they support and love one another. As a mom, that is really the best gift I could ever ask for.
As for me, I never thought I would survive something so hard. I have never had to rely so heavily upon my Father-in-Heaven. I have prayed and pleaded for faith as mine wavered over and over again. I have felt like Peter, who tried walking on the water and showing his faith, only to begin sinking when the waves became rough and unsure. It seems all the things I have always professed to believe were put to the test. But as I have prayed, I have felt God's love. And I have seen his miracles. A lot of people think that God gives us trials, like he is up there orchestrating a grand scheme to see if we will pass some kind of test. I don't think it works that way. I have thought about this a lot and I don't think He is giving them to us, but I think He helps us through them. He, above all else, is simply a kind and loving Father. I have felt His love for His children time and time again in that hospital. I know He does not leave His suffering children alone. And that for me is life-changing.
The other night Hannah and I talked about what she'd like to say on the blog. I told her to summarize what she had learned. She said three things.
1. God loves us.
2. Miracles still happen.
3. Heaven is real.
As I end this blog, I want Hannah to know what an inspiration she is to me. I want her to know she has been teaching me what's important all her life, and that I am so grateful Heavenly Father let me be her mom. I also want you all to know how grateful our family is for your overwhelming love, support, and most importantly your prayers. I really believe our story might be altogether a different one if it wasn't for your prayers and the sustaining strength you have given us. We are the most blessed people on the planet to have you in our lives. Thank you. We love you.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Friday night
Meg here- my mom doesn't have internet but they are out of the hospital and happy as clams! They will write tomorrow :)
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Thursday, March 30
Hannah just said she wants to contribute to the last blog post, which seems right since this blog only came into being because of her journey. But we are both so tired and so we decided to collaborate tomorrow night for the final post.
We are just about to go to sleep for the LAST night in Harry Potter's closet-such joy we never knew existed! ha ha We have been laying here talking about all the things we are excited to get home for-at the top of our list is our own beds! And hopefully uninterrupted sleep. Although Bob is such a worrier he will probably be up taking vitals every three hours-ha ha. We really are so excited to be home with family, friends, and our beds-among many other things. Hannah's also excited to get home to the dogs. They apparently have become depressed so she has started face-timing them at night??? They are probably still depressed and now also confused.
We are getting released tomorrow and then staying the weekend in Salt Lake because we have conference tickets and Hannah really wants to go. Hopefully it'll be a restful weekend for her and a good transition to home.
We will finish up tomorrow. Good-night.
We are just about to go to sleep for the LAST night in Harry Potter's closet-such joy we never knew existed! ha ha We have been laying here talking about all the things we are excited to get home for-at the top of our list is our own beds! And hopefully uninterrupted sleep. Although Bob is such a worrier he will probably be up taking vitals every three hours-ha ha. We really are so excited to be home with family, friends, and our beds-among many other things. Hannah's also excited to get home to the dogs. They apparently have become depressed so she has started face-timing them at night??? They are probably still depressed and now also confused.
We are getting released tomorrow and then staying the weekend in Salt Lake because we have conference tickets and Hannah really wants to go. Hopefully it'll be a restful weekend for her and a good transition to home.
We will finish up tomorrow. Good-night.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Wednesday, March 29
Today was good. We were busy the whole day-lots of things that need to be done before we leave. Hannah had to say good-bye to two of her favorite therapists today because they are both off the rest of the week. It was so sad. One of them started crying and then Hannah started crying and it was heart wrenching. I get emotional too when I think of how much they have helped her, and how much we have grown to love these people. Her surgeon also came for his last check on her (the one who saved her life). How do you adequately express your appreciation for saving your child's life? A "thank-you" to all these people seems so inadequate. I hope they understand how deeply grateful and indebted we are to them.
I know Hannah is going to be missed around here too. She has a way of worming her way into everyone's hearts. She made cookies today and disappeared for awhile. When I found her she was handing out cookies to everyone and talking with them as if they were her oldest and dearest friends. ha ha I love how compassionate and good she is to everyone she meets, from the doctors to the patients to the cleaning ladies (they all adore her). She really is a remarkable girl!
I know Hannah is going to be missed around here too. She has a way of worming her way into everyone's hearts. She made cookies today and disappeared for awhile. When I found her she was handing out cookies to everyone and talking with them as if they were her oldest and dearest friends. ha ha I love how compassionate and good she is to everyone she meets, from the doctors to the patients to the cleaning ladies (they all adore her). She really is a remarkable girl!
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Tuesday, March 28
Today was the rehab team met to discuss Hannah and they decided she can leave a week early!!! We were both so excited-it's like being paroled and winning the lottery all rolled up into one.
There have been so many moments where we felt like this day would never come, but the end's officially in sight! The last two months have seemed surreal in so many ways, so many days just blended together in sadness, but also joy. We have definitely experienced our lowest lows, but also our highest highs. A true roller coaster ride. And now we are looking at the next phase. I can't even express in words how wonderful it will be to be at home, but we also feel some trepidation at leaving what has become our safe haven of sorts. They gave me a book today about what to expect when going home, it said: "Expect the unexpected." ha ha Not quite the reassuring words I was hoping for. But I have been thinking a lot about when we brought her home as a baby. She had her first heart surgery when she was five days old, and she was so fragile. She was in the hospital for quite awhile, and then all of the sudden they said we could take her home?!! I thought they were crazy to trust us and I remember just feeling terrified, but we figured it out then and I know we will figure this out too.
Everything is so much better than we really dared even hope for. When we first talked to the neurologists after they saw she'd had the stroke, they gave us a lot of worst case scenarios. She could be blind, she may never walk, she may never talk. And for the first little bit we didn't even know if she'd wake up. I can't even tell you the gratitude we feel when we look at how far she's come. Her eyesight continues to improve, she's walking, and talking and understanding. She definitely has a ways to go still, and she'll need to continue with some pretty intense outpatient therapy when we get home, but I just feel so much peace now when I think of her future. We have truly seen the hand of the Lord in her life every single day since this happened, and I know we will continue to see it.
I think us getting out of here is happening none too soon. Apparently I am driving her crazy. Tonight she told me she was going to pull the curtain down the middle of the room so we could each have our own space-ha ha She gets frustrated because she is still forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago. This memory thing is really strange. They have been so encouraged in therapy because her memory definitely is improving. Now she can mostly tell you what happened yesterday and during the week, and also the things I've told her the day before. And her long term memory is great. Today they decided in therapy they wanted to make cookies tomorrow and she said, "Oh, I have this great recipe, which she then rattled off without blinking an eye. And it was a long recipe! (Maybe we make cookies too much???) Anyway, it's just the things that happened five minutes ago that she can't remember. It's really maddening. She'll order something for dinner and then five minutes later want to order something else because she doesn't remember ordering dinner. Or she'll be talk- texting a friend and by the end of the text forget who she is texting-ha ha (So friends, just an FYI-if you get a text from her that doesn't really make sense you'll know she just forgot that she was talking to you. Don't take it personally!) Sometimes it seems funny, and you just have to laugh about it or you'll go crazy. But I know it's so frustrating for her. So I'm praying that with a little more time this too shall pass and she'll be able to look back on all these things and see the humor. Right now she's NOT laughing. If you are looking for something specific to pray for, that'd be a good one. We appreciate all your prayers. They give us the strength to face each new adventure. We love you!
There have been so many moments where we felt like this day would never come, but the end's officially in sight! The last two months have seemed surreal in so many ways, so many days just blended together in sadness, but also joy. We have definitely experienced our lowest lows, but also our highest highs. A true roller coaster ride. And now we are looking at the next phase. I can't even express in words how wonderful it will be to be at home, but we also feel some trepidation at leaving what has become our safe haven of sorts. They gave me a book today about what to expect when going home, it said: "Expect the unexpected." ha ha Not quite the reassuring words I was hoping for. But I have been thinking a lot about when we brought her home as a baby. She had her first heart surgery when she was five days old, and she was so fragile. She was in the hospital for quite awhile, and then all of the sudden they said we could take her home?!! I thought they were crazy to trust us and I remember just feeling terrified, but we figured it out then and I know we will figure this out too.
Everything is so much better than we really dared even hope for. When we first talked to the neurologists after they saw she'd had the stroke, they gave us a lot of worst case scenarios. She could be blind, she may never walk, she may never talk. And for the first little bit we didn't even know if she'd wake up. I can't even tell you the gratitude we feel when we look at how far she's come. Her eyesight continues to improve, she's walking, and talking and understanding. She definitely has a ways to go still, and she'll need to continue with some pretty intense outpatient therapy when we get home, but I just feel so much peace now when I think of her future. We have truly seen the hand of the Lord in her life every single day since this happened, and I know we will continue to see it.
I think us getting out of here is happening none too soon. Apparently I am driving her crazy. Tonight she told me she was going to pull the curtain down the middle of the room so we could each have our own space-ha ha She gets frustrated because she is still forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago. This memory thing is really strange. They have been so encouraged in therapy because her memory definitely is improving. Now she can mostly tell you what happened yesterday and during the week, and also the things I've told her the day before. And her long term memory is great. Today they decided in therapy they wanted to make cookies tomorrow and she said, "Oh, I have this great recipe, which she then rattled off without blinking an eye. And it was a long recipe! (Maybe we make cookies too much???) Anyway, it's just the things that happened five minutes ago that she can't remember. It's really maddening. She'll order something for dinner and then five minutes later want to order something else because she doesn't remember ordering dinner. Or she'll be talk- texting a friend and by the end of the text forget who she is texting-ha ha (So friends, just an FYI-if you get a text from her that doesn't really make sense you'll know she just forgot that she was talking to you. Don't take it personally!) Sometimes it seems funny, and you just have to laugh about it or you'll go crazy. But I know it's so frustrating for her. So I'm praying that with a little more time this too shall pass and she'll be able to look back on all these things and see the humor. Right now she's NOT laughing. If you are looking for something specific to pray for, that'd be a good one. We appreciate all your prayers. They give us the strength to face each new adventure. We love you!
Monday, March 27, 2017
Monday, March 27
Hannah had a good day. Once a week she gets graded, so to speak, on goals they have set for her the previous week. Everything has to be done by Monday night because they meet to discuss the patients on Tuesday morning. She is acing her goals this week. I'm hoping they will re-evaluate her release date. I really feel like she's ready to go home. She'll still be doing a lot of outpatient therapy when we get home-probably for a long while-but I think being home would be the best thing for her. We'll see if they listen to the mama. Don't they know moms always know best?!
She sure worked hard today in therapy though. Tonight her legs were pretty shaky and she started seeing double, both of which happen when she is tired. Hopefully as she builds up her strength those things will go away. A few week ago our family was talking about how much effort Hannah has to put forth to do this therapy. She really is giving it all she's got. Luke said, "Can you imagine what we could all accomplish if we put forth that much effort in what we are doing everyday?" Luke's pretty sure he could be a millionaire -ha ha But his comment reminded me of something President Hinckley had said about doing our best. I can't remember his exact words but something about how if we really are doing our best, it is good enough. But that we need to be honest with ourselves about what our best really looks like. Aughhh that is so true! I know that too often I am guilty of being lazy and not giving my best effort to things that are important. It's so easy to become content with mediocre. But I must say watching these kids struggle and fail and struggle some more to get even the tiniest gain has been awe inspiring. I feel like I am watching a Hannah version of "Rocky" every day. The only thing we're missing is the music. Pretty awesome stuff.
She sure worked hard today in therapy though. Tonight her legs were pretty shaky and she started seeing double, both of which happen when she is tired. Hopefully as she builds up her strength those things will go away. A few week ago our family was talking about how much effort Hannah has to put forth to do this therapy. She really is giving it all she's got. Luke said, "Can you imagine what we could all accomplish if we put forth that much effort in what we are doing everyday?" Luke's pretty sure he could be a millionaire -ha ha But his comment reminded me of something President Hinckley had said about doing our best. I can't remember his exact words but something about how if we really are doing our best, it is good enough. But that we need to be honest with ourselves about what our best really looks like. Aughhh that is so true! I know that too often I am guilty of being lazy and not giving my best effort to things that are important. It's so easy to become content with mediocre. But I must say watching these kids struggle and fail and struggle some more to get even the tiniest gain has been awe inspiring. I feel like I am watching a Hannah version of "Rocky" every day. The only thing we're missing is the music. Pretty awesome stuff.
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